Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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