I cockslap morals
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
