just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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