what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
