im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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