i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
