wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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