My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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