It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
