I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
