I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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