So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
