Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
