oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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