Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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