If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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