Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my liver is dry heaving
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
