just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no you cant smoke seaweed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
