Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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