Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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