i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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