Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
