i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
