if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
