And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
