wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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