we're blogging at a bar
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
