Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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