i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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