A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
