i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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