And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
