insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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