Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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