you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize