I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
