2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm like, not good at living.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
