I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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