So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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