how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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