i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
