i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
