Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
