Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
