We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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