Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
