He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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