I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
