She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
