i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
