I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
