did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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