pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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