Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh god the rape fog is back!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
