I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
