bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
