Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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