They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
