highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
