An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
