OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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