I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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