today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
