Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
