If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
