Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
