Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
