So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
