yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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