If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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