I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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