i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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