My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
