Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize