how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
