I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
