brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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