He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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